Leap of Faith

Oct 5

“You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.”

~Martin Luther King Jr.

Have you ever been so scared you couldn’t sleep? I certainly have.

Oddly enough, what I’ve feared the most are things I’ve wanted most: things I’ve hoped, prayed, and worked hardest for. It’s the monster in my head—not the one under the bed—that is most formidable.

So why is it that self-doubt and fear of failure can cripple a dream before it’s even had a chance to form?

As I sit here, wondering how to instruct others on overcoming fear and imposter syndrome, I somehow feel afraid, and I’m starting to question everything.

I’ve always believed that the best things in life are on the other side of fear, and you have to go straight through the fear—not around it—to get to them.

I’ll give you an example. When I was 25 years old and living in Washington, D.C., I had just been assigned to spend the next two years of my life in London, working at the U.S. Embassy there. It was everything I wanted. One of the most prestigious jobs in the world, in one of the most storied cities in the world. And the fact that this was my first job out of graduate school was nothing short of miraculous.

But once my possessions had been packed and shipped overseas, I was left in my studio apartment overlooking Dupont Circle with nothing but angst and an inflatable mattress my landlord loaned me. In those nights, I’d often wake when my fears—and the nightmares they embodied—shook me from my slumber. This would be my first real job...ever. What if I arrived at the embassy in London and didn’t know what to do? What if I missed a critical clause in U.S. immigration law during training? What if I accidentally let a terrorist into the United States? How would I make friends in a foreign country where I didn’t know anyone? What if I felt lonely?

In those moments, I realized, I didn’t have a choice. I had come this far, and becoming a Foreign Service Officer was what I had worked my whole life for (at least until that point). All I could do was take a leap of faith. Like Indiana Jones, I stepped foot into the cavernous abyss with no guarantees I wouldn’t plummet to my demise.

The problem with writing self-help books is it challenges me to flip through the pages of my own life story for truths and insights worth sharing. And when I look back at moments I took a leap of faith, I see sometimes I soared and sometimes I stumbled. Yet, even when things didn’t go as planned, “failure” became the vehicle (the invisible bridge) that transported me somewhere new, to a place I could never otherwise access without first being willing to risk it all.

After some self-reflection, I’ve realized it’s not my place to decide whether I am enough—or even whether I am capable.

My only job is to do my very best with what I have today.

I hope to someday step into the person I am meant to be. But if I don’t, it won’t be on account of stopping myself short with fear and indecision. There’s rarely a shortage of external obstacles on the pathway to success—so why add the monster in my brain on top of everything else?

For this reason, I choose to “walk it forward” every day. I’ll keep plugging away at my dreams as if I’m wearing blinders. And then maybe, someday, I’ll look up at the skyline—as I did as a 25-year-old diplomat in London—and realize my moonshot aspiration actually came true.

My advice? When you lose faith in yourself, remember the things you’ve done that once seemed impossible. And day by day (no matter how frightening), keep putting one foot in front of the other.